So, you may think this is a pointless journal entry no one will read.
But if you take the time to read this, bless you.

Today, a saturday, the first day that actully had more than 1 inch of snow.
I did absolutley nothing.
I played the computer.
I drew.
I ate.
I read.
I stared at the window.
But I did nothing.
I didn't even go outside.

And now its 10:00pm, and i look back at my day.
That's what i realized.
I shouldn't be going on the computer so much, and its a waste of time when i can be doing much more. Like play in the snow.

When i go on facebook, i see picutures of me with my family. Old times. When i wasnt obbsesesed with the comp. Then i clean my room. I see my old stuff, remember the times i had used them, the good times, and they were still lying in my room, memories, even though they were so tiny and worthless to a stranger. I put away my laundry. While i shove my pj's in my drawer, i see a scarf. I remember making it in summer, last year, when i knit. I remember the big box of yarn i made my mom buy, 200 $ worth of knitting supplys, collecting dust in my room. I remember summer friends. I remember the vacations. I remember the Good ol' times.

And i look back, and i feel, i've changed, so so so much.
I've matured.
I've gained.
I've lost.
As i wrap the beautiful and flawed scarf in my hands, All of my memories flood my head, and i managed to form a tear.
Yes, i cried.
My head is hurting, and i won't be going on the computer as i often as now.
I'll be wearing the scarf i made in summer, for this winter, everyday, hopefully, and regain my memories.
I feel as everything is falling apart, but i put my head up and realize theres so much i can do.
I remember the reason i started drawing on the comp more, becuz, i was lonley.
In summer, there was nothing to do. I drew.

Then my grandpa died, suddenly, I took a trip to the philippines the night i found out.
I have the time of my life with my cuzins and nephew, and my half-sisters,
and it felt great, if it wasnt for my grandpa.
I loved my family there.
My mom, my dad, my aunt, my brother, were all homesick.
I wasn't.
I missed my dog, but i would be filled with grief when i left, my loving extended filipino family in Manila.

So after we went back to America, i drew. All the time. I ate the filipino foods we brought home. I wore the clothes i brought there. I did everything possible to remember them, the philippines. I felt depressed... for the first time..
When school came, 2 weeks after i came back, i was shocked. I didn't want the summer to end.
But it did.

Now, im not depressed with missing my filipino family.
But, i realize right now, i still miss them.
I've been praying for the last 4 months, without even realizing,
for my family members in Manila to go on Facebook, so i could talk to them.
Now, when there online, i will talk to them.
And memories wil come back.
And when i feel everything is falling apart...
I can look back at talk and remember the ppl i love.


Now, i will where my scarf, the watch my sister gave me, the shirt my other sister bought for me, and everything else possible.

A lot of emotion filled my mind today, and i hope you enjoyed reading this entry.

Thank you~